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Rating:  -
Dr Glass's book details exactly what the betrayed partner goes through as he/she is on the recovery process. This is a must-read for anyone who is in a relationship, thinking of getting married and especially those who are already married (no matter how many years they are married). It made me think of seriously saving up a fund for hiring private detectives just in case I suspect my husband (if and when I do get married) having an affair. :-)
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I don't know how I could have ever made it through without the aid of this book. Never have I read such helpful material on the subject! Love must be tough by Dr. James Dobson is also really wonderful. My husband and I are now healing and doing beautifully and my recovery from this truly traumatic event was helped tremendously by this book.
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I have to agree with the other reviewers that this is a very good book. I am a pretty tough critic, who reserves five stars for books that change my life. While this book fell just short of that classification, I can say that my life is a little easier/better after reading it.
If you are reading these reviews, you probably have some experience with the subject. For that, I offer you my condolences. The good news is two-fold. First, it gets better with time. Second, books like this one can help you along the way.
Dr. Glass makes no secret of the fact that she is a big advocate of trying to fix the relationship. Therefore, roughly half of the book is devoted to doing that. She also does not hesitate to say when she is not in the majority about some issue. That is, several times she says what most therapists believe, and then explains why she feels otherwise. It's nice to get both sides of the story so you can make your own decision...most of the time I agreed with the author.
But what I like most about this book is that it gives the perspective of all those involved. It covers the betrayed, the betrayer, and the outsider who the betrayer had the affair with. Therefore, it helps you look at the situation from the other person's point of view. While you might think you don't care about his/her side of the story, it is really important for your own "recovery."
This is the book for you if you are struggling with questions like: Why did this happen? What do we do now? Is the marriage worth trying to save? If so, how do we do it? I personally did not read all of the chapters. My marriage is long over and I was just looking for a book to help give me closure. I think this did it for me. I kind of wish I had found this book shortly after my ex-wife's affair. It might not have changed whether or not we would have stayed together, but it would have made the last nine months a whole lot easier.
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What sold me on this book is that it is entirely based on scientifically, fact-based research, not on assumptions and personal preferences. Infidelity has been in my life since 1955, when I was 2 1/2 years old and I have experienced the damage and suffering that come from social blame and misconceived notions on how to understand this phenomenon. This masterpiece on infidelity resonated with me throughout its entirety, especially with the bold and absolutely accurate position that it is vital to get the detailed story of the actual infidelity out and into the open in order for the healing to begin. I would urge everyone to read this book!
Ingrid J. Melenbacker, NCC, M.EdHD
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My wife and I have been struggling for over 3 years, when I began to research this topic. I got this book, and it was as if the author wrote this book for me. Even down to the words that my wife and I were using. The problems between each other, the obsessiveness, why I was so susceptible to this and I had not idea. I have just read this book, and I usually do not overstate or over dramatize things, but this book right now has been the most beneficial, most helpful book I have ever read.
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