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Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys Posters
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An absolute must-read for ALL parents of both boys AND girls. Being a feminist, I had to keep reminding myself that when we take care of our boys we also take care of our girls. It has transformed the ways I look at my son and also my husband and other men in my life.
Along with Reviving Ophelia it should be mandatory reading for all parents!(...)
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Raising Cain is a powerful and enlightening book co-authored by two prominent child psychologists who set out to comprehensively explore the way boys suffer and what causes them emotional pain. Not surprisingly, the book is written for parents of boys as well as teachers, but it also has overwhelming relevance for anyone who desires to understand why many boys act the way they do-and what we can do to help them with their emotional struggles.
The salient issue interlaced throughout the book is the need for boys to obtain an emotional vocabulary and emotional literacy that affords them the capability to read and understand their own emotions, as well as others. Thompson and Kindlon repeatedly point out that not only are many boys never encouraged to be emotional, but also, they are taught to suppress such feelings by a culture that expects them to be "manly". It is difficult to argue with that observation. The "emotional miseducation" of boys begins early, at home and in the classroom, and there is a need to provide the proper "emotional steering" for boys so that they understand that expressing emotion is indeed normal and okay to do.
Among the various solutions Thompson and Kindlon suggest to help boys develop strong, flexible, emotional lives is to give them permission to have an internal life, full of unbridled emotion. We need to help them to develop and to obtain an emotional vocabulary to better understand themselves and to communicate more effectively with others. Ultimately, we need to let boys know that there are numerous ways to "be a man".
Raising Cain is an extremely rich work, full of poignant case studies and examples of boys today that evoked memories-some sad and regretful-of my own adolescence. As a parent of two young boys and an aspiring middle school teacher, this book will be referred to again and again as various developmental issues surface in the boys that I encounter. It is an invaluable reminder of the importance of cultivating emotional awareness in boys and what we can do as adults to help foster that growth. I would even suggest that it be required reading for any educator who has even one boy in his or her classroom. The insight presented within Raising Cain as well as the intervention suggestions posed by Thompson and Kindlon offers the reader with the tools to make a positive difference in a boy's life.
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This book is valuable for everyone who has ever been or known a boy or man (okay, everyone). It addresses the needs and experiences of boys and men and how they relate to emotional literacy. It includes many real-life examples from the authors' practices. It discusses how societal stereotypes (and their enforcement in various social settings) hinder boys in their ability to be happy, humane members of society and their capacity for intimacy in all its forms. It also explains how this information relates to various topics, such as friends, mothers and sons, fathers and sons, drug and alcohol use, depression, violence, sexuality and relationships.
I bought it a few months after my son was born and I have read it 3 times now. I plan on reading it every year, just to remind myself of the important principles outlined in it. Not only is it helping me understand and better respond to my son, it has helped me understand my husband, father, brothers, in-laws, etc. I find I can accept and respect male differences and needs better now that I understand what it means to grow up male in American society.
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I cried when I read about the types of pain that boys and men feel, but don't usually express easily or as naturally as women do. This book gave me insight into why some of the adult males in my life have acted as they have and it helped me to want to help another generation NOT be stifled emotionally.
The book also encouraged me as a former single parent, which I had been for most of my son's life. My son is 15 now and although I've remarried recently, my son and I are still close and he knows that I will ALWAYS be here for him to unload on. I'm eternally grateful to God that the authors helped me to know that despite the mistakes I've made with my son, I also have done some things right: he still loves me and still needs me in many ways. And he always will.
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This book is a must-read for anyone raising a boy -- ESPECIALLY fathers. I'm so glad that I've read this book while my son is still an infant.
Not only have I learned a lot about what it will be like for my son growing up, but it helped me connect to myself. So much of this book brought me back to events in my own childhood and helped me understand more about myself. There are so many things that I wouldn't have realized had I not read this book.
Having read this book I feel much better prepared to be an understanding and emotionally nurturing father to my son. This will be a gift that I will give to any of my friends who are currently raising a young boy or are about to have a boy.
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