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Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys Posters
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As I am looking back into my not-yet-gender-aware early childhood, I remember having been both fascinated and weary of boys. On one hand, they always attracted me with their spirit and honesty, on the other they scared me because I perceived them as impulsive and aggressive, not understanding what motivates them to do things they do. This book helped me fill in those long-forgotten gaps of knowledge -- just in time to better understand my rapidly growing son :) Even though this book does concentrate almost exclusively on a 'stereotypical boy' (i.e., a jock or an angry dropout), it is an invaluable resource for everyone, especially teachers and parents.
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This book contains a lot of psycho babble. It seems to be written mostly for professional family counselors and psychologists and such. For them it might be useful, but if you're a "normal" parent (meaning not working in such a field) then there are better parenting books out there that are much less opaque.
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This book helped me understand the boys and men in my life a bit better. It wasn't filled with too much technical jargon and had many stories from the authors than helped illustrate their points.
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The title of this book says a monumental truth.
In virtually all societies, throughout time, BOYS are raised to be strong, and any variance of that is "A Problem". The Problem, however, is strongly rooted in the society a boy is raised. There is no common factor other than the basic issue that BOYS become MEN, and MEN RULE THE WORLD.
Thustly boys are, in virtually all societies, ethnic and religious, economic and existential, boys are generally drained of their "emotional body" as they grow, and by the age which their social realm dictates, are honed into the male image of the culture they are raised.
Far too many boys, over all the world, in all situations, are neglected EMOTIONALLY as they grow up, resulting in strong men who make up the warriors, regardless of their eventual position and place in life.
It is all too common that the basic emotional needs of young boys are neglected, even refused, often brutally, in an effort to "make them strong". It's been going on since the dawn of time.
As society fragments into far more complex expressions for both male and female role-models, something that has been changing since the Rennaissance, boys, despite their diversification in potential, have generally been either brutalized into uniformity, or segmented, eventually compartementalized into roles dictated by local moral, religious or financial revenues.
"Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys" tackles an age-old problem with great insight, and while there are no common solutions, there are ways of thinking that can help raise boys in a way that is "Complete".
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You might read the back cover of this book and think, "oh, this doesn't apply to me.". But anyone parenting or spending time with children should have a look. It helps you (or rather, it's helping me) step back and realize how subtle ways that we interact with children have lasting repercussions. For instance, how we might respond to a boy when he says "oh look, that kid over there is crying" vs. our response to a girl. Studies show that we'd steer the boy away, distract him, move on to something different. But to a girl, we encourage her to help, to be sympathetic, and engage in a discussion about what happened.
Towards the end, the authors offer some suggestions on how to tap into the emotional side of our boys, how to develop modes of communication that can last through adolescent years and into adult hood. I find them useful, and hope that my husband and I are & continue to use them.
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