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Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys Posters
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Rating:  -
This book is a must-read for anyone raising a boy -- ESPECIALLY fathers. I'm so glad that I've read this book while my son is still an infant.
Not only have I learned a lot about what it will be like for my son growing up, but it helped me connect to myself. So much of this book brought me back to events in my own childhood and helped me understand more about myself. There are so many things that I wouldn't have realized had I not read this book.
Having read this book I feel much better prepared to be an understanding and emotionally nurturing father to my son. This will be a gift that I will give to any of my friends who are currently raising a young boy or are about to have a boy.
Rating: -
While I think men and the parents of daughters would also benefit from reading this book, I want to emphasize that as a woman and the parent of sons this book has become an invaluable resource for me. The authors made many important points about the male experience that were new to me, or vague, and also gave practical ideas and examples for achieving goals or avoiding conceptual traps.
Kindlon and Thompson begin with the story of Cain, which is immediately disorienting. In a good way. I've always been puzzled about why God was so mad? I believe the fruit Cain offered was beautiful, so why was it of lesser value? I never thought God was fair to Cain, though admittedly Cain did react badly. So immediately you're in the state of mind to question perceptions about males as well as male perception (and reaction).
I didn't find any intellectual oneupsmanship over which gender's got it worse. Instead, I saw: Boys are different, and here's what some of the differences are and why that's so, and how you can deal with that. I feel much better prepared for the many talks I hope I'll have with my children over the years. Important talks that I want to be transformative rather than reactionary or alienating.
This isn't just a book for the parents of adolescent boys, either. The authors make the point many times that giving boys an emotional education is imperative -- teaching them to recognize various emotions as physical cues and with emotional consequences. More importantly, the authors then cite cases from their clinical backgrounds and make down-to-earth suggestions about what to do to catch these problems and help our children. Young boys will benefit from your early introduction of these principles, including: giving a boy an emotional education and letting him have an inner life; recognizing that boys have a higher activity level (amen!) -- and accepting it; communicating with boys in a direct and respectful way, and enlisting them as problem solvers; using discipline that is instructive and fair rather than harsh and crushing; teaching a boy that there are many ways to be a man.
This is a plausible theory informed by clinical experience, but most of all it is a catalog of simple actions that may make a huge difference in your sons' lives. Andrew Vachss' Another Chance to Get It Right, says these things so eloquently. Every day the collective experience of the world is the sum of the choices each of us makes individually. We decide whether to be lazy parents and raise mediocre adults, or do we try to make a golden age, populated by mature, happy adults who have the knowledge and the will to make the world a better place in their turn? Every day you decide whether to spank or to reason, to pressure or to embrace, to train or to teach, to saddle them with our baggage or let them be. Let Vachss' book motivate you and this book instruct you. You and your children will be the better for it.
Well-written, insightful, transformative.
Rating: -
I am amazed. As a mother, I am so happy to be currently reading this book. My husband will read it soon. Almost all of my friends are teachers and constantly complain about the boys in their classrooms. I want to buy them this book as it gives such great insight into the lives of boys. Every father should read this book, it should be required reading. If all of our parents and teachers could read this book, we could change our society for the better.. I love boys (5 nephews and 1 extraordinary son!) and want them to be strong, emotionally savvy individuals. Read it and then remember it.(And do something about it to make a difference to your son/nephew/student). Great book!
Rating: -
This book is full of great examples and stories from Kindlon's experiences as a therapist at an all boys boarding school. He is right on the money when it comes to understanding how to raise better men. If your a man or mother, you must take the time to read this book it will hep you raise better boys or understand the male culture better.
Rating:  -
I gave this book TWO stars instead of ONE because of the included anecdotes about patients of the authors.
Save your money, and read this review instead of buying the book:
Boys have feelings, not just girls.
Boys are just as sensitive as girls.
Listen to your son and he'll be emotionally healthy.
Boys are special because they have lots of energy.
Nope...nothing about your son being gay, if that's what you're looking for.
I just listed those four things off the top of my head without even thinking about the book. As I read over what I wrote, I see that my blind guesses were right: That's pretty much what the book says in its 250 + pages.
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